How to become a professional amateur products tester

In addition to becoming a professional amateur products tester, my father is becoming a professional freebie diner. As long as they feed him, he'll sit through time-share promotions and pyramid scheme speeches. Yesterday, he went for dinner on some questionable investment company's dime at a fancy steakhouse that he and my mom generally love. The invitation stated that he was allowed to bring one guest who was over 55 and interested in investing. So my dad, in a moment of genius or spite (I'm guessing spite because he's too transparent for brilliance), invited his investment broker to join him. The investment broker is a guy our family has used for twenty years and he's the real deal--has nothing to do with these schemes my dad funnels his dinners through. But our investment broker was thrilled to be asked and seemed to be excited to join my dad. Surprisingly though, the company vetted the dinner guests, and a few hours before dinner, the company called to say that our investment broker wasn't eligible to attend. They were pissy about it too, as if a legitimate broker would really cramp their sheister style.

My dad then made my mother, who would rather pay for dinner than listen to every asshole's spiel, go with him. She came home grumpy and angry despite a full belly. My dad though, he just patted his stomach and said he'd "won." He figured that he and my mom ate nearly $200 of steak and sides off the regular menu. They never bought into a single investment scheme either. And they brought home leftovers. He likely did win something, but the way my mom keeps cursing about him today makes me wonder about the prize.