Top Ten Things That hurt Me Off Lately

1 James Franco getting nominated for an Oscar.

2. Actresses whose faces no longer move (I'm talking about you, Jennifer Aniston).

3. Oprah's Own network, with a whole goddamn show just for Gail.

4. The fact that most judges are men, but most of their research attorneys are women (or occasionally, doughy boys with man boobs and a penchant for science fiction).

5. Anything involving Arizona.

6. Anything involving Texas.

7. Anything involving Florida. (seriously, why can't we get rid of these states?)

8. The DA throwing down new charges on Lohan while Charlie Sheen continues to enjoy cocaine by the briefcase.

9. Having to study for the bar exam again.

10. Getting to work at 6:30 a.m. only to find my parking space occupied by craft services for a boring Chinese film crew.