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Because I don't have a legal job yet, I moved back home with my parents. This morning I woke up to find my mother sitting bleary eyed at her computer in her pajamas. She didn't have her glasses on and there wasn't a coffee cup in sight. But she was watching video clips about an orangutan that lives with a hound dog, and she couldn't be torn away from the screen. I realized that if my mother belonged to some other child, I would totally peg her for a certified nutjob.

My father, who also makes a substantial case for certifiable nutjob, is becoming something of a professional amateur products tester. A few years ago, he began test driving cars for dealers who paid him in donuts and a few hundred bucks for the day. He'd drive around their lots and fill out surveys. They apparently liked his work because they recently started to send him home with cars. For a while, he was driving a different car every week. Then he'd go back to the dealerships and sit on panels and tell them everything he didn't like about their cars. My dad's a Bronx-born Jew who wouldn't know how to shut his mouth if a Palestinian held a gun to his head. He says the dealers like him because he's honest. He'll never tell anyone what they want to hear unless he means it.

Now the dealerships have farmed him out for other products tests. In the last few months, he's been on test panels for river cruise vacations and various home-remodeling efforts, including something called invisible screens. My father's still not sure what an invisible screen is, but he was happy to test for them because they fed him a a full breakfast with eggs and bacon. He takes up every test and survey offered to him and gets visibly upset if he doesn't fit the test profile and is rejected. If need be, he's prepared to tell people that he's a 35 year-old black man or at 73 year-old housewife. Anything so long as he can continue testing.

Anyone want to take bets on how long I'll last in this house without becoming certifiable myself? The only thing I've got going for me is that the house is stocked with booze. I can usually weather anything with bourbon.